What just happened?!?

Welcome to the middle of the story.

Life is messy. Life is hard. Life is glorious and grandiose and full of shit that happens and times that may bore us to tears. Whatever your life is, mine went completely insane.

As I was contemplating a rebirth, a renewal, a re-energizing of my personal life in Northern California, I found out I was pregnant. (This was early Spring 2014.)  Dang it! I thought I was DONE with the whole birth world and babies and diapers and that whole "no sleep" thing! AND I was away from my support system! This is probably what scared me the most. My parents and In-laws were 3,000 miles away.

Please do not get me wrong: this pregnancy was certainly NOT according to OUR plan; but was this child unwanted? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! This was certainly God's Child. From that point on, I had to put "my plans" on hold and let God have a turn at the wheel. Once the pregnancy was confirmed, I knew I had to find a support system: birth team, church, friends. For an introvert, this was going to be tough!

In December 2013, we moved into a small 120+ year old house in the second floor unit near downtown Petaluma, CA. It was within walking distance of anything we needed! A small Whole Foods was half a block away. A Target, Sprouts, and surrounding shopping center was four or five blocks east of us, while beautiful, downtown historic Petaluma was about a mile west of us. Should you ever wonder, "Petaluma. Should we stop and check it out?" You need to answer, "YES!" It is full of cute little shops for everyone! Loads of restaurants and snack stops, a yarn shop, several well-stocked thrift stores, a natural toy store in the theater district, a well-stocked candy store, and tons of historical architecture! A majority of these buildings were from before the 1906 San Francisco earthquake. Walnut Park is a great little park with a playground that the girls liked located on the south end of downtown. And look up the long list of movies that were shot in and around Petaluma over several decades! ( here, here, and here )

Our location was fantastic. We found a church relatively close in town called 360 Church of Petaluma.  It was a non-denominational Christian church that felt relaxed, and the girls felt comfortable in their children's programs. This one was full of real people. Thank God!

I started interviewing local midwives. Found two that were about to start their own birth center in a town about 30 minutes north of us. It was a beautiful option! Luckily, they agreed to come do prenatal checkups at our place in Petaluma as we only had one car that my husband took to work an hour south of us.  They attended the homebirth of our son and third child, Wolfgang, in October of 2014. With Hypnobabies home study and their hands-off assistance, this birth was by far the best experience I ever had! My little family was there and Daciana got to hold his hand as he was laying on my belly short after birth. It was beautiful....and another post....

Friends. Having to put on my big girl panties and get out there to meet people - all while managing two growing kids, a tiny home with less than desirable neighbors, a pregnancy that was sucking any energy out of me, later deciding to put the girls into a Waldorf Charter school three blocks away - was more than a daunting task, it was MONSTROUS. Quite leviathan in nature. Jonah's Whale had eaten me alive and spat me on foreign shores.

Ultimately, I did find wonderful friends. Some in the Women's Group at the church. Some I found at a newly formed crafting group that met in various places around town, The Rebel Craft Collective  (Meetup). I even made friends with a couple of Moms at the school (Live Oak) that the girls started attending...we referred to ourselves as Misfit Moms (the three of us were not NorCal natives and never seemed to fit in with the "kool-aid drinkers". Several other people were miraculously scattered around town or my husband's workplace. Also found an excellent chiropractic practice within walking distance of our little place; Praise the Lord!

Insanity runs in my family. Shortly after we moved to NorCal, my parents bought an RV and followed us out, if not forever, but seasonally. They were able to make it for the girls' birthdays, some holidays, and shortly after the birth of our son (little stinker came a couple weeks early). It was an absolute blessing that they were able to make it out!

So...What happened?!? We stayed in NorCal (this is the short version of the story) for almost three years. We made very good friends. Whether it is Wanderlust, Humor of the Universe, or ultimately God's Plan, our souls still haven't settled down. We made it back to Florida and are currently in the Orlando area nearer to our family and original support group. The strong desire for Wolfgang to grow up with TWO sets of awesome grandparents and our adult need to be able to financially support our family (it is CRAZY expensive in California!!) brought us back.

We love our friends on both coasts! We miss everyone. We are thankful for social media to keep in touch. God is good all the time; and all the time, God is good.

The adventure continues.....!

Re-Purpose

Contemplating a new look, a nickname, a profession.....what about dark blue/purple/steak of dark pink short hair, call myself Raven, and be a photographer?

Or what about short blond hair, Daisy, and be a writer?

How about short brown hair, Rainbow, doula?

But I'm too lazy...I will probably just leave my sandy blond hair alone, listen to my children yell Mama and keep being a Mom....

I hope I can find a bicycle soon....and perhaps a bike trailer. I gotta go search Craigslist now...

Rebirth

We have moved. Again. The third time in two and a half years.

No, we are not a military family. Far from it! I like to hug trees and make granola.

My wonderful husband got his dream job. Finally. After ten plus years of trying and waiting. After so many times hearing "No", someone finally said, "YES!"

OH JOY! OH RAPTURE! ......oh shit.

We experienced every emotion known to humanity. Excitement, horror, happiness, ultimate stress. Packing and cleaning and purging...we had only two weeks...preparations to move four people (me, husband, two daughters aged 8 and almost 5 years) from Orlando, FL to The north bay area of San Francisco, CA.

Across the country. We had eight days to do it. EIGHT DAYS. We chose to drive. We packed my parent's Honda Odyssey (Thanks Mommy and Daddy!) and a Uhaul trailer full of stuff we thought we couldn't live without (although every time I unpack a box, I can't help but think that most of it could have been left behind).

We left behind all friends and family. Yes, there is social media. Yes, there is live chatting with webcams. Heck my phone is smart enough to do all of that! It is still not the same.

Humans need physical contact. Some more than others, but time with family and friends is biologically necessary. I don't doubt that we will meet new people and make new friends....I just hate the transition period.

Feelings of doubt and uncertainty take over, mixed with loneliness and laced with stress make for bad times.

Yes, I know it gets better. Yes I know this too shall pass.... It still sucks and words don't help. We need actual help.

End if blog post? Nope. I shall leave you with hope. We are not in total despair. By the grace of God, a friend of mine from high school lives one hour from us! We have her and her wife to thank for Thanksgiving leftovers (we arrived in California on Thanksgiving), and watching the kids one evening while husband and I went to an adults-only work event.

More to come. Slowly, as we find some semblance of a routine.

My Baptism

This Saturday at Coastal Community Church I am going to be baptized.  The time is right for me in my path with God.  And it happens to be Easter, too.  A great time to do it!

"But, I thought you were Catholic?" you might ask.  "Weren't you baptized as a baby?  And confirmed in seventh grade?"

"Yes I was."  I will answer.  And I am glad my parents did that.  I am also thankful that I was raised in the church.  Catholic school, however is another story ;)

So as a German-Polish Jew (heritage only) who was raised a Catholic, married a Protestant and takes our family to a non-denominational community church (which I LOVE), I am called in this stage of life to become baptized.

May God Bless me and my path with Him!

p.s. I believe this post is my 101st blog post!

The light at the end of the tunnel...

We are more than half way through "self-induced poverty" and doing well!  It has been a struggle, but we are surviving.  We have run out of our frozen raw milk and trying to decide if I should go and get some the next time orders are due....  I actually got Publix milk (half gallon), mostly just for cooking, and tasted it...YUCK YUCK GROSS YUCK!!!  It was not past it's expiration date and tasted HORRIBLE!  I am NOT drinking that stuff again!  I posted it on Facebook and people reminded me that almond milk exists...duh :P I could have gotten some almonds and made my own milk! I DO have a wonderful Blentec blender from my awesome MIL (Thanks Star!) that I HAVE made almond milk in - successfully, might I add ;)

But besides that - and my husband is sick of oatmeal - we have been home (okay, we have a bit of cabin fever...yes it happens in Florida), not going many places, walking more, enjoying each other and the kids more, taking it easy, catching up with housework and homeschool work. 

Patrick and I have also been loosing weight so much and so noticeably that we had to get new pants a couple of weeks ago.  I went from a size 14 to a 10!  And he went from 42 to 38, and even those are now loose!  So when poverty is over - which is only a couple of paychecks away (we're so excited!!) - we need new clothes :)

And I get a new vacuum, because my current one is being held together by duct tape and hot glue....really.

Extreme Savings mode begins....

Starting later this week, we are starting three months of  "Extreme Savings Mode."  We were calling it "self-induced poverty" but that sounded too depressing.  What is this exactly?  It is a controlled experiment with our family to pay down our debts (mostly credit cards).  All of our debts would have been paid off sometime next year, but we wouldn't have any fun in the mean time.  So instead we decided to hunker down and pay off much more in a quicker time frame, thus ending our debt (except for our house payment) sooner!  What does this mean for us? 

• We are going to be driving one car instead of two.  We will NOT be driving unless it is to the store for food shopping every other week.  
• Chiropractic will probably go from once per week to every other week.  
• Music Together class - we will finish out this session but not continue until the summer. 
• I will not be picking up food at the Co-op in Orlando until June.
• No extracurricular activities (for me or my husband or children)
• No field trips unless we can walk there.  Might also have to miss a few Park Days.
• Walking to the park or library (Thank God they are pretty close!)
• ABSOLUTELY NO EATING OUT!

This is scheduled to end in June.  At that time our credit debt will be zero, our cars both paid off, and we will be able to afford to replace a few things in our house! (like a vacuum, power tools, and a kitchen ;)

We can ultimately thank Dave Ramsey and those who we know have taken his classes in financial freedom. 

Wish us luck!!  I really want need a new vacuum ;)  My current one is being held together (I use the term very loosely) by duck tape and hot glue....

Deep in the Heart....

....OF TEXAS!!!!!  This is where we shall be in the future for a time, then back home again, jiggity-jig.  My husband's paternal Grandfather is turning 90 years old...so the whole family (well, a lot of them) are gathering to celebrate.  Because of the insanity with the scanners at airports and Mamas being harassed for breastfeeding on planes (as I plan to do) and it might end up being cheaper to drive it anyway...WE ARE DRIVING TO TEXAS!  Two parents, a five year old, and an almost two year old......Family of four in my parent's van (thanks Mom and Dad!) from here to there....I think I can...I think I can...I think I can...with lots of books and snacks, and a DVD player for the car, we should be able to survive....right?