What just happened?!?

Welcome to the middle of the story.

Life is messy. Life is hard. Life is glorious and grandiose and full of shit that happens and times that may bore us to tears. Whatever your life is, mine went completely insane.

As I was contemplating a rebirth, a renewal, a re-energizing of my personal life in Northern California, I found out I was pregnant. (This was early Spring 2014.)  Dang it! I thought I was DONE with the whole birth world and babies and diapers and that whole "no sleep" thing! AND I was away from my support system! This is probably what scared me the most. My parents and In-laws were 3,000 miles away.

Please do not get me wrong: this pregnancy was certainly NOT according to OUR plan; but was this child unwanted? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! This was certainly God's Child. From that point on, I had to put "my plans" on hold and let God have a turn at the wheel. Once the pregnancy was confirmed, I knew I had to find a support system: birth team, church, friends. For an introvert, this was going to be tough!

In December 2013, we moved into a small 120+ year old house in the second floor unit near downtown Petaluma, CA. It was within walking distance of anything we needed! A small Whole Foods was half a block away. A Target, Sprouts, and surrounding shopping center was four or five blocks east of us, while beautiful, downtown historic Petaluma was about a mile west of us. Should you ever wonder, "Petaluma. Should we stop and check it out?" You need to answer, "YES!" It is full of cute little shops for everyone! Loads of restaurants and snack stops, a yarn shop, several well-stocked thrift stores, a natural toy store in the theater district, a well-stocked candy store, and tons of historical architecture! A majority of these buildings were from before the 1906 San Francisco earthquake. Walnut Park is a great little park with a playground that the girls liked located on the south end of downtown. And look up the long list of movies that were shot in and around Petaluma over several decades! ( here, here, and here )

Our location was fantastic. We found a church relatively close in town called 360 Church of Petaluma.  It was a non-denominational Christian church that felt relaxed, and the girls felt comfortable in their children's programs. This one was full of real people. Thank God!

I started interviewing local midwives. Found two that were about to start their own birth center in a town about 30 minutes north of us. It was a beautiful option! Luckily, they agreed to come do prenatal checkups at our place in Petaluma as we only had one car that my husband took to work an hour south of us.  They attended the homebirth of our son and third child, Wolfgang, in October of 2014. With Hypnobabies home study and their hands-off assistance, this birth was by far the best experience I ever had! My little family was there and Daciana got to hold his hand as he was laying on my belly short after birth. It was beautiful....and another post....

Friends. Having to put on my big girl panties and get out there to meet people - all while managing two growing kids, a tiny home with less than desirable neighbors, a pregnancy that was sucking any energy out of me, later deciding to put the girls into a Waldorf Charter school three blocks away - was more than a daunting task, it was MONSTROUS. Quite leviathan in nature. Jonah's Whale had eaten me alive and spat me on foreign shores.

Ultimately, I did find wonderful friends. Some in the Women's Group at the church. Some I found at a newly formed crafting group that met in various places around town, The Rebel Craft Collective  (Meetup). I even made friends with a couple of Moms at the school (Live Oak) that the girls started attending...we referred to ourselves as Misfit Moms (the three of us were not NorCal natives and never seemed to fit in with the "kool-aid drinkers". Several other people were miraculously scattered around town or my husband's workplace. Also found an excellent chiropractic practice within walking distance of our little place; Praise the Lord!

Insanity runs in my family. Shortly after we moved to NorCal, my parents bought an RV and followed us out, if not forever, but seasonally. They were able to make it for the girls' birthdays, some holidays, and shortly after the birth of our son (little stinker came a couple weeks early). It was an absolute blessing that they were able to make it out!

So...What happened?!? We stayed in NorCal (this is the short version of the story) for almost three years. We made very good friends. Whether it is Wanderlust, Humor of the Universe, or ultimately God's Plan, our souls still haven't settled down. We made it back to Florida and are currently in the Orlando area nearer to our family and original support group. The strong desire for Wolfgang to grow up with TWO sets of awesome grandparents and our adult need to be able to financially support our family (it is CRAZY expensive in California!!) brought us back.

We love our friends on both coasts! We miss everyone. We are thankful for social media to keep in touch. God is good all the time; and all the time, God is good.

The adventure continues.....!

"Trees are nice..."

For many reasons, my husband and I decided to homeschool. Our oldest is 4 so now we are investigating all our options. I am part of a Mom's Book Club which used to be a playgroup and is becoming a homeschooling group. We had a Nature Project at one mom's house last month and I volunteered to do the next one here at my house. I really love to teach those who want to learn. Especially things I am interested in :)

This month, the topic is "Trees." Broad subject, I know, but I am trying to keep it simple. 'Tis the season so we will be making Christmas trees out of construction paper and decorating them in addition to other activities. I am posting a few videos here so I don't have to look for them later :)







There. That should do it....

My "3-hour tour" after Daciana's birth...

After my beautiful 4 hour homebirth on Feb 25, 2009, my midwife discovered a small vaginal cyst that was only visible because I tore. After much discussion, it was mutually agreed that I go to the hospital to have it removed, stitched up and sent home to enjoy my new family. Simple, right? Of course not! Hold on to your butts...you are going on a ride through our "Great American Health Care System".

My doula drove my husband, our 2 hour old newborn, and me to the hospital (not the one that was actually closer to us because that one was not covered by our insurance). My midwife called ahead and told them our situation. I think she also faxed over my records. She said to go to the ER and tell them that we were expected. Of course they were confused by us telling them that we just had a baby at home, I needed a cyst removed and to be stitched up. (BTW, this is what hospitals are for!)

We got to a triage room pretty soon (after I was put in a wheelchair of course...) They took quite a lot of blood for "admission into the hospital" and because you can't go to a hospital without them sucking you dry (in more ways than one!). The ER staff were all friendly and seemingly unbiased about homebirth. Finally the on-call OB comes in, we tell her what we want and she mumbles something about "that's why we shouldn't do homebirths..." What the ?!?!?! Okay, we know what side of the fence she is on...

So (several hours later) I am in the pre-op room getting prepped. They want me to sign all sorts of things and I only make it longer trying to understand it all. I know I do not need to be put under general anesthesia for just such a simple operation but they keep trying to push it on me! All I need is a local anaesthetic (lidocaine) and to be sent home...

Then my blood work comes back...and my liver enzymes are elevated.

"What does that mean?" I ask. "It could be late-onset preeclampsia. We would like to keep you for observation and put you on magnesium sulfate."

Okay. With my first birth, I had preeclampsia (and I promise to write that birth story soon!) and my midwife thought well, maybe, it is possible. But having no other symptoms throughout pregnancy or labor (seeing spots, dizziness, high blood pressure, swelling, protein in the urine), I thought it was weird. But I trust my midwife. This is what the doctor/OB is for. So because of my history, I let them hook me up to mag sulfate..."for 24 hours" they said...they couldn't find me a room in the maternity wing until late afternoon...I would have to be there with my husband and new baby overnight...

ACK!

By the way, Anastasia (my 3 yr old) went with my parents (Thanks Mom and Dad!) to stay the night...thinking that we would all be together the next morning........

By 6 pm they hook me up to that crap...er, I mean mag sulfate...which means that I would be there at least until 6 pm tomorrow!!!

We had our baby at home THEN went to the hospital...I think we did it backwards ;o)

Throughout the entire night and day, my BP had never been lower in my life! I felt like crap because that is just what mag sulfate does. And I had to eat hospital food full of refined carbs and sugars and HFCS and the occasional GMO fruit...

...again, ACK!

I had such a wonderful diet during pregnancy - whole foods, organics, NO HFCS (well, maybe a tiny bit that one cannot escape in this day and age) - and they expect people to get better on this sh!t? I hope Health care reform also includes hospital food reform!

It was NOT preeclampsia. But my liver enzymes were still high. They kept sticking needles in my arm to draw blood several times during my stay. Then they wanted to do a sonogram of my guts, which involved me fasting for 8 HOURS! (I thought this was ironic because it was the Friday after Ash Wednesday ;o)

...again, ACK!

A new mother that needs to breastfeed having to fast?!?! Maybe it was better than eating that cr@p food ;o) Eight hours actually turned into 10 hours because the ultrasound room was understaffed that night and slammed for what ever reason. Of course! They found very little 'wrong' but also did not talk to me during the procedure...yes, I did ask questions...I do have gall-stones...whatever that means...

They ruled out 'late-onset preeclampsia' and the GI doctor had no clue either as to what made my liver enzymes so high. That second night there I had a feeling that they wanted to keep me much much longer so I decided before I went to bed that we - Patrick (who was sleeping on those damn 'Dad' beds), Daciana (who was nursing and sleeping very well and did not seem phased by any of this) and I (who was quite ready to literally kick some butt) - were going home. We could not just leave because of the fear of the insurance not covering any of the hospital stay. I told God I wanted to be home by noon on Saturday.

From the first moment I awoke from a restless nights sleep, I was a very squeaky wheel. I wanted some grease and lots of it!! "I want to go home today. Where are my discharge papers? When can I go home?" is all I said to anyone. The only way they were going to let me go is if I agreed to become an outpatient and be referred to another GI doctor (this I suggested).

To speed the story up, I ended up staying in the hospital for 3 days! And for what? No one knows...but by 11:30 almost noon, I got my discharge papers: we were going home!!!! Thank you GOD!!

Now I am going through my itemized bill for the hospital, trying to see where they are nickle and diming me. After the insurance covered their portion, somebody thinks I still owe over $2000! Patrick is already working overtime and taking on a couple of paying gigs on the weekends just to make ends meet. We are not living beyond our means or overspending on things we think we should have. The last time I bought new clothes for myself was a couple of maternity items and before that maybe eight months without having new things. I have been wearing the same pair of shoes everyday for over a year, have not gone shoe shopping since Jan 2008 and before that probably when I was pregnant with Anastasia in 2005! We spend money on good food for the family, gas for Patrick to go to work (2 hours driving to and from work 5 days a week...), electric bill, water, and mortgage (this is what is killing us...can't sell because the market is cr@p right now)

Sorry about the rant and rave there...we, like many of you, are living paycheck to paycheck. Whether one or two incomes per family, and tightening our belts every month, it doesn't seem like enough. I believe the only reason the doctors and the hospital kept us there as long as they did was because we have insurance. If we didn't, they would have patched us up and kicked us to the curb.

Wish me luck on interpreting the paperwork and disputing it!

The Birth of Daciana

I awoke just before 4 am on Wednesday, February 25, 2009. I had to pee, just like every other night for the past few months. As I was on the toilet, I had a hard contraction. It was noticeably different than those I had been having for 2 1/2 weeks before - that wonderful prodromal or early labor. It felt really like a bad menstrual cramp. I made it back to bed and had a few more hard contractions. I sat on the edge of our bed, rocking through the next few, my husband Patrick and our daughter Anastasia both fast asleep. The contractions lasted about a half an hour and did not go away. I nudged Patrick, told him to wake up, and that I have been having contractions. I got into the shower (probably the last one for a while :) and stood there, contractions continuing. The hot water felt good. At one point, I needed to be on my hands and knees. That's when I plugged the tub and let it fill with water. Contractions where getting stronger. "Patrick, call my Mom and call Amy (midwife)." I think this was the last thing I remember saying. I stayed in the bath for a while until the water got cold. I wanted to get to the bed - made it as far as the toilet. Patrick knelt in front of me, he counted through the contractions for me... "it's been 30 seconds, you are doing awesome..."

I think this is when I slipped into the zone, or as I teach in my BIRTH classes, the Ebb & Flow of Labor™. It was awesome! I had my eyes closed and let labor happen. Each one quickly rolled into the next, not sure when one ended but knew that another one had begun. I was preparing myself for a long and hard day of labor, thinking that the contractions were going to get stronger, more intense, and also thinking, "Don't I get a few minute break between them??"

I only opened my eyes if I needed to see where I was going - from the bathroom to the bed. I caught glimpses of who was there at different times: Patrick, my Mom, Amy and Erica, Terri R, my doula...

Anastasia was in our bed, where she had slept the night before. I made it to Anastasia's bed - which is next to ours - while someone put plastic on our bed (I had the birth bed prepared for about 2 weeks but got annoyed by the plastic and removed it 2 days before...). By this time I was moaning loudly with each wave into a pillow, hoping not to wake Anastasia. I got into my bed and was fully into the Flow of the event, each one coming so quickly...

I wanted to go bad to the bathroom to use the toilet...the waves were getting harder...
When I got off to go back to bed, I made it as far as the sink and had to lean on it and rock and sway...heard someone say there was bloody show in the toilet...got into bed...

This was the point that I opened my eyes, wondering where Anastasia was, thinking was she still asleep? or was she awake? Lo and behold, there she was right next to me in my bed still asleep! And I was not quiet at all! Those moans were loud! They needed to be. Never did she stir...

And then Amy said something about pushing with the next contraction... Was she serious?!? It seemed too early! I couldn't be THAT far along...could I? "Hold your breath and bear down!" someone said. I felt pressure like Amy was stretching my perineum... she was asking for more olive oil... "Chin down to your chest and hold your breath and push your baby here..."

I came out of my zone to find Patrick kneeling on the floor to my right, Amy at the foot of my bed. Feeling the urge to push and everyone saying "push," I proceeded to, well, push. I pushed...Amy said something about breaking my bag of waters... I had mentioned my wish to Patrick (sometime well before birth) to birth the bag of waters intact if possible or at least let it break on it's own. When Amy mentioned breaking the BOW, Patrick told her what I had said (my hero! sorry I had never mentioned it to you Amy :) and she responded jokingly with, "Then we are going to get a bath!" (When the BOW did finally break, Amy said that it wasn't that bad, but Patrick got the fluid down his leg...what a trooper!)

Then came the Ring of Fire...I don't think I ever had a feeling of "I can't do this" or "this is too hard," it really happened too fast to have these thoughts... but the Ring of Fire did seem to last quite a while...I pushed the head out and it still burned..."Look at these linebacker shoulders!" (She gets those from Patrick...) She felt like a big one when she finally slid our and oh my God relief! I breathed in that relief and relaxation and peace...and no crying...hmm, babies are supposed to cry, right? Anastasia did and she was born at 31 weeks (although with the steroid shot to develop her lungs early...) I looked down, Amy said "Talk to your baby"...I called her name "Daciana! Daciana!"...Amy was vigorously rubbing her back, then laid her down at my feet and put what looked like an oxygen mask on her and pumped air into her seeming to clear leftover mucus or fluid from her lungs...she cried a little and got a really good color on her skin.... straight to my chest for our first moments...

Our first glorious moments! I did it! I birthed at home in my own bed without any interventions! With people I knew and trusted and hired to keep me healthy and safe... and it only took about 4 hours! Daciana Guinevere was born @ 7:55 am on February 25, 2009. She weighed in at 9 lbs 12 oz, with a 14 inch head and 14 inch torso (which is why the Ring of Fire lasted as long as it did), 21 inches long and wonderful baby fat everywhere! I got her to the breast withing 20 minutes (I think) and left the placenta attached for the Lotus Birth.

And Anastasia slept throught the whole thing!!! She started to wake up at one point and almost got her foot in the placenta bowl :P This is when Patrick picked her up, woke her and said to her, "Look who is here!" (meaning Daciana) She saw my Mom first, "It's Grandmama!" Patrick said, "Well, yeah, and look who else!" She looked over to me, saw the baby and exclaimed, "It's Daciana!" She smiled so big as joy grabbed a hold of her and probably wonderment as well...

This experience was awesome, exciting, fulfilling, rewarding, healing, and - I have to admit - easy!

{Pictures shall come soon! Oh! and the story is far from over... but that is a blog for another time...}

Homebirth! This comic from 'Mama Is' says it all! We are also planning a homebirth for our second daughter in Feb 2009. It will be a different experience than last time, but we are going for a more positive birth this one around.

Somethings I did differently this pregnancy:

• Took Prenatal Yoga
• Chiropractor visits at least once a week
• Midwife (not an OB)
• Much healthier diet (Brewer Diet)
• Am not mowing the lawn
• TRYING to take it easier....(with a 3 year old, makes things more challenging...)