What just happened?!?

Welcome to the middle of the story.

Life is messy. Life is hard. Life is glorious and grandiose and full of shit that happens and times that may bore us to tears. Whatever your life is, mine went completely insane.

As I was contemplating a rebirth, a renewal, a re-energizing of my personal life in Northern California, I found out I was pregnant. (This was early Spring 2014.)  Dang it! I thought I was DONE with the whole birth world and babies and diapers and that whole "no sleep" thing! AND I was away from my support system! This is probably what scared me the most. My parents and In-laws were 3,000 miles away.

Please do not get me wrong: this pregnancy was certainly NOT according to OUR plan; but was this child unwanted? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! This was certainly God's Child. From that point on, I had to put "my plans" on hold and let God have a turn at the wheel. Once the pregnancy was confirmed, I knew I had to find a support system: birth team, church, friends. For an introvert, this was going to be tough!

In December 2013, we moved into a small 120+ year old house in the second floor unit near downtown Petaluma, CA. It was within walking distance of anything we needed! A small Whole Foods was half a block away. A Target, Sprouts, and surrounding shopping center was four or five blocks east of us, while beautiful, downtown historic Petaluma was about a mile west of us. Should you ever wonder, "Petaluma. Should we stop and check it out?" You need to answer, "YES!" It is full of cute little shops for everyone! Loads of restaurants and snack stops, a yarn shop, several well-stocked thrift stores, a natural toy store in the theater district, a well-stocked candy store, and tons of historical architecture! A majority of these buildings were from before the 1906 San Francisco earthquake. Walnut Park is a great little park with a playground that the girls liked located on the south end of downtown. And look up the long list of movies that were shot in and around Petaluma over several decades! ( here, here, and here )

Our location was fantastic. We found a church relatively close in town called 360 Church of Petaluma.  It was a non-denominational Christian church that felt relaxed, and the girls felt comfortable in their children's programs. This one was full of real people. Thank God!

I started interviewing local midwives. Found two that were about to start their own birth center in a town about 30 minutes north of us. It was a beautiful option! Luckily, they agreed to come do prenatal checkups at our place in Petaluma as we only had one car that my husband took to work an hour south of us.  They attended the homebirth of our son and third child, Wolfgang, in October of 2014. With Hypnobabies home study and their hands-off assistance, this birth was by far the best experience I ever had! My little family was there and Daciana got to hold his hand as he was laying on my belly short after birth. It was beautiful....and another post....

Friends. Having to put on my big girl panties and get out there to meet people - all while managing two growing kids, a tiny home with less than desirable neighbors, a pregnancy that was sucking any energy out of me, later deciding to put the girls into a Waldorf Charter school three blocks away - was more than a daunting task, it was MONSTROUS. Quite leviathan in nature. Jonah's Whale had eaten me alive and spat me on foreign shores.

Ultimately, I did find wonderful friends. Some in the Women's Group at the church. Some I found at a newly formed crafting group that met in various places around town, The Rebel Craft Collective  (Meetup). I even made friends with a couple of Moms at the school (Live Oak) that the girls started attending...we referred to ourselves as Misfit Moms (the three of us were not NorCal natives and never seemed to fit in with the "kool-aid drinkers". Several other people were miraculously scattered around town or my husband's workplace. Also found an excellent chiropractic practice within walking distance of our little place; Praise the Lord!

Insanity runs in my family. Shortly after we moved to NorCal, my parents bought an RV and followed us out, if not forever, but seasonally. They were able to make it for the girls' birthdays, some holidays, and shortly after the birth of our son (little stinker came a couple weeks early). It was an absolute blessing that they were able to make it out!

So...What happened?!? We stayed in NorCal (this is the short version of the story) for almost three years. We made very good friends. Whether it is Wanderlust, Humor of the Universe, or ultimately God's Plan, our souls still haven't settled down. We made it back to Florida and are currently in the Orlando area nearer to our family and original support group. The strong desire for Wolfgang to grow up with TWO sets of awesome grandparents and our adult need to be able to financially support our family (it is CRAZY expensive in California!!) brought us back.

We love our friends on both coasts! We miss everyone. We are thankful for social media to keep in touch. God is good all the time; and all the time, God is good.

The adventure continues.....!

Latest Updates in a Mama's life

Dang it!  Time got away from me again and Life handed me way too much to do....well, honestly, I guess I found too much to do...crazy days....

So here is my quick list of what has happened (I know I will leave things out just because it is late and I really should be in bed...):

We have started - and continued - homeschooling our five year old and have been loving that decision :D  If I haven't mentioned it before, we are using Oak Meadow, a Waldorf based school.  It has curriculum and educational tools for K-High School and are really liking

We have not been going to the chiropractor weekly and I am feeling it :(  I hope to be able to get back to it in a few months, though ;)


I went to the Florida La Leche League Conference last weekend...well, just Friday and Saturday, and for just a day and a half instead of three days.  I was there with Sandy Jamieson and Sandy Hill, my ladies full of lactation wisdom.

And I killed three chickens (not our own!) at a friend's "Meat Harvest"...got the war-wounds to prove it!  It was something that I have been thinking about for a while and am in a place in my psyche/life that I can/could/did do it.  One more small step away from the grid....and I will be there again for more "Harvesting" next Sunday!

Confessions of a Homeschooling Mama

There are great days and there are not so great days.  I have only schooled The Older three days and already we have had both.  The first day, we - Mama, Dada, The Older, and The Younger - went to the beach...it was called Paradise Beach, with a park/playground, beautiful sand and it is the only beach in the south part of my county to be staffed year-round with lifeguards.  If it wasn't so far away, we would be there more often. 

When we got in the water, the lifeguard (Georgie) came over and commented on how wonderful that I was using a Fuzzibinz cloth diaper (she used them on her kids years ago) on my littlest and we talked about homeschooling and natural mothering things.  Would have liked to talk to her more but had to watch The Younger because she was getting pummeled by the rough waves (and liking it).

It was unfortunately way too hot to play on the playground (all the equipment was burning from sun exposure), but vowed to come back when the weather cooled off.  But they had a wonderful playground, kids swings and toddler swings, slides, and a large resin boulder with rock climbing handles on it!  So cool!

But not all is so wonderful.  The first week, we are learning to make the capital letter A correctly.  Up until now, she would make good letter As the right way, but lately, she has been getting sloppy....and refusing to accept that the way she had always been making As was correct....

Ah, joys of life!

Next Chapter

I am about to embark on a new adventure: Homeschooling....a five year old...with an 18 month old in the wings.  At least I have a fantastic support group to help!  (Hey Ladies!)

Since before my husband and I got married, we decided that if we were still living in this area when we had kids, we would homeschool.  We talked about it, defended our position, chose friends that had the same mindset, got info from our family that does homeschool, found a good starting curriculum, planned out the next few months, got school supplies.....  and I am scared sh!tless...  because it is just around the corner!  We are finally here!

But like I said: fantastic support group, et all shall get me through it!  Woo hoo!  Yeehaw!  Here we go.....

Plan for the Future...

It would be great to have one of those!  And time to do so :)  I did recently have 24 hours to myself, away from everyone, got to do things by myself...it was weird and wonderful at the same time.  It was a gift from my husband - he watched the girls, they did fine - and I got to catch up on a bit of reading and TV watching (we don't have live TV in the house, so I watched it in the hotel room...still nothing on!  So glad we don't have cable or dish or whatever :). 

I did get to start planning for the immediate future of homeschooling my 4 1/2 year old which is starting in August.  I have the first day of school planned: we are going to the beach!  Hopefully all day or at least most of it.  After that...well... I have curriculum from Oak Meadow that I will be working from.  And this first year (kindergarten) is really practice anyway.  If I can homeschool this year, I can homeschool all the years!  Of course, now that I think about it, that will be (in total with both girls) 17 years at least!!  wow.... but let's just try the first year and not think of the rest....

And in my immediate future (this month), enjoy Mother's Day, shop for shelves, purge, reduce, and clean my house...without a working vacuum.....and get backyard chickens...I wonder how much grass two chickens can eat?  (my lawnmower is not working...)

And here we are...

Daciana, my second child, will be one year old this Thursday.  I could continue with a cliche, like "time flies," but I already did that.  I have tried to be in the moment with her as much as I could, trying to balance my attention with everyone else in the house.  It is very hard.  

I have talked to other Mamas about maternal guilt and they have all encouraged me to know I am doing the best I can and to not let guilt have any of my precious time.  This is also a hard thing.

Advice has been given to "Make time for yourself."  This is possibly the hardest thing to even think of.

I know that Motherhood is a very difficult position for a woman to be in.  I chose this.  I wanted this.  I got it, I am in it.  I love my girls, and at times, they are very....challenging.  Life is constantly testing me.  Right now, I feel like I am failing.  I have a wonderfully crafted sickness that involves much mucus and constantly hacking up a lung, which lowers my energy to zero.  Mothers don't get sick days - we don't have the time!  I am already behind on everything, why do I have to get sick now?  *cough*cough*wheeeeze*

I know.  I can hear you yelling, "This is just a test!  You can pass it!"  And then along comes an email from a dear friend (here is an excerpt):

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"We really need moms just like you, the ones who have had such diverse challenges and experiences, and are setting such a good examples for other moms to follow. It gives them hope and faith that breastfeeding and committed mothering really do work and payoff with great rewards.

"It’s my pleasure and privilege to be with you and the girls ~ they are such precious angels and YOU are such a wonderful role model of good mothering. I have used you and [Daciana] as good examples of kangaroo mothering many times.  The time I spent with you at the LLL [La Leche League] conference seemed miraculous ~ I’ve never been around a baby for that long w/out hearing them cry ~ multiple times.  {I wish I’d known about it when I was a young mom.}

"I think you’re probably really wise to realize that the meeting environment can be a challenge for Anastasia ~ I wish more moms were as tuned in to their children’s needs as you are!!!  This world would be a much better place."

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I took the girls to the last La Leche League meeting which was at night and kind of last minute, so no time to prepare Anastasia in my expectations of her, and since we are no longer a breastfeeding pair (it's all for Daciana now), she didn't have anything to do or look forward to.  It got a little crazy.  There were lots of little babies and she wanted to play with them all like she does her one year old sister.  So we left the meeting early after I warned her many times to chill out.  Future LLL meetings will also become another Daddy-Daughter night.

God only gives you what He knows you can handle.  I know this to be true because I am still alive.  My life - and all its "adventures" - has made me stronger, and I don't think I am done yet.  At least I hope not.

"Trees are nice..."

For many reasons, my husband and I decided to homeschool. Our oldest is 4 so now we are investigating all our options. I am part of a Mom's Book Club which used to be a playgroup and is becoming a homeschooling group. We had a Nature Project at one mom's house last month and I volunteered to do the next one here at my house. I really love to teach those who want to learn. Especially things I am interested in :)

This month, the topic is "Trees." Broad subject, I know, but I am trying to keep it simple. 'Tis the season so we will be making Christmas trees out of construction paper and decorating them in addition to other activities. I am posting a few videos here so I don't have to look for them later :)







There. That should do it....

Time still flies...

Well, it's been practically one month since my last post. Two kids sure do fill the day! I am now posting to my Facebook profile almost daily and now I just started a LinkedIn profile. It is a much more professional site similar to Facebook.

So if you want to know my daily grind, check out Facebook!

"I did it!"

INSPIRATION FOR THE DAY:I guess it can be done ;o) And she has four kids!

Time flies...

...when you have a three year old and a 7 week old...

Can you believe it! She is 7 weeks old already! This time around things seem to be moving faster, but I am still trying to be in the moment...even though most of my moments find me very tired, feeling like I had just run a triathlon twice, then came home, vacuumed the entire house and mowed .49 acres.

Some days are better than others. It is great when The Older learns a lesson - like why we do not climb the counters to get at candy on top of the fridge... and it is particularly fantastic when both The Older and The Younger take a nap at the same time and I do as well!! So far this has happened once - very memorable though!

I did finally join Facebook - the link is on the right side of this page I think - and spend most of my time there...taking quizzes, commenting on other people's comments, connecting with people I thought were lost to the cosmos... It also is easier to use than MySpace...and less cluttered.

After not having my Mom to help with The Older this week - she was on a much needed vacation to VA and DC area and my MIL did watch her a bunch (Thanks, Star!!) - I am considering VPK (Voluntary Pre-K) but probably won't because I have very little faith in the local area school system... my husband and I did decide - even before we got married - that we would homeschool our kids... but maybe our little adrenaline junkie needs to play with her own age for a bit until The Younger gets bigger and I can do more than just nurse her, burp her, change her, nurse her again, put her to sleep and play with The Older until The Younger wakes up and I have to do all that again!

I'm tired...zzzzzzz.........

Elephants and kids

They say "an elephant never forgets." Well, neither do kids. Back in July - the weekend of the fourth to be exact - I came down with a severe case of strep throat. I had to get a round of antibiotics at the ER because all the walk-in clinics were closed on the fourth of July. So after $300+ and many 'wonderful' hours at the ER, I retreated to my bed while I missed the fireworks outside the house. My DH and DD watched the fireworks in awe. Since that day, my DD has associated me getting sick with fireworks.

"If Mama gets sick, we get to see fireworks."

In this she truly believes.