What just happened?!?

Welcome to the middle of the story.

Life is messy. Life is hard. Life is glorious and grandiose and full of shit that happens and times that may bore us to tears. Whatever your life is, mine went completely insane.

As I was contemplating a rebirth, a renewal, a re-energizing of my personal life in Northern California, I found out I was pregnant. (This was early Spring 2014.)  Dang it! I thought I was DONE with the whole birth world and babies and diapers and that whole "no sleep" thing! AND I was away from my support system! This is probably what scared me the most. My parents and In-laws were 3,000 miles away.

Please do not get me wrong: this pregnancy was certainly NOT according to OUR plan; but was this child unwanted? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! This was certainly God's Child. From that point on, I had to put "my plans" on hold and let God have a turn at the wheel. Once the pregnancy was confirmed, I knew I had to find a support system: birth team, church, friends. For an introvert, this was going to be tough!

In December 2013, we moved into a small 120+ year old house in the second floor unit near downtown Petaluma, CA. It was within walking distance of anything we needed! A small Whole Foods was half a block away. A Target, Sprouts, and surrounding shopping center was four or five blocks east of us, while beautiful, downtown historic Petaluma was about a mile west of us. Should you ever wonder, "Petaluma. Should we stop and check it out?" You need to answer, "YES!" It is full of cute little shops for everyone! Loads of restaurants and snack stops, a yarn shop, several well-stocked thrift stores, a natural toy store in the theater district, a well-stocked candy store, and tons of historical architecture! A majority of these buildings were from before the 1906 San Francisco earthquake. Walnut Park is a great little park with a playground that the girls liked located on the south end of downtown. And look up the long list of movies that were shot in and around Petaluma over several decades! ( here, here, and here )

Our location was fantastic. We found a church relatively close in town called 360 Church of Petaluma.  It was a non-denominational Christian church that felt relaxed, and the girls felt comfortable in their children's programs. This one was full of real people. Thank God!

I started interviewing local midwives. Found two that were about to start their own birth center in a town about 30 minutes north of us. It was a beautiful option! Luckily, they agreed to come do prenatal checkups at our place in Petaluma as we only had one car that my husband took to work an hour south of us.  They attended the homebirth of our son and third child, Wolfgang, in October of 2014. With Hypnobabies home study and their hands-off assistance, this birth was by far the best experience I ever had! My little family was there and Daciana got to hold his hand as he was laying on my belly short after birth. It was beautiful....and another post....

Friends. Having to put on my big girl panties and get out there to meet people - all while managing two growing kids, a tiny home with less than desirable neighbors, a pregnancy that was sucking any energy out of me, later deciding to put the girls into a Waldorf Charter school three blocks away - was more than a daunting task, it was MONSTROUS. Quite leviathan in nature. Jonah's Whale had eaten me alive and spat me on foreign shores.

Ultimately, I did find wonderful friends. Some in the Women's Group at the church. Some I found at a newly formed crafting group that met in various places around town, The Rebel Craft Collective  (Meetup). I even made friends with a couple of Moms at the school (Live Oak) that the girls started attending...we referred to ourselves as Misfit Moms (the three of us were not NorCal natives and never seemed to fit in with the "kool-aid drinkers". Several other people were miraculously scattered around town or my husband's workplace. Also found an excellent chiropractic practice within walking distance of our little place; Praise the Lord!

Insanity runs in my family. Shortly after we moved to NorCal, my parents bought an RV and followed us out, if not forever, but seasonally. They were able to make it for the girls' birthdays, some holidays, and shortly after the birth of our son (little stinker came a couple weeks early). It was an absolute blessing that they were able to make it out!

So...What happened?!? We stayed in NorCal (this is the short version of the story) for almost three years. We made very good friends. Whether it is Wanderlust, Humor of the Universe, or ultimately God's Plan, our souls still haven't settled down. We made it back to Florida and are currently in the Orlando area nearer to our family and original support group. The strong desire for Wolfgang to grow up with TWO sets of awesome grandparents and our adult need to be able to financially support our family (it is CRAZY expensive in California!!) brought us back.

We love our friends on both coasts! We miss everyone. We are thankful for social media to keep in touch. God is good all the time; and all the time, God is good.

The adventure continues.....!

My Baptism

This Saturday at Coastal Community Church I am going to be baptized.  The time is right for me in my path with God.  And it happens to be Easter, too.  A great time to do it!

"But, I thought you were Catholic?" you might ask.  "Weren't you baptized as a baby?  And confirmed in seventh grade?"

"Yes I was."  I will answer.  And I am glad my parents did that.  I am also thankful that I was raised in the church.  Catholic school, however is another story ;)

So as a German-Polish Jew (heritage only) who was raised a Catholic, married a Protestant and takes our family to a non-denominational community church (which I LOVE), I am called in this stage of life to become baptized.

May God Bless me and my path with Him!

p.s. I believe this post is my 101st blog post!

Latest Updates in a Mama's life

Dang it!  Time got away from me again and Life handed me way too much to do....well, honestly, I guess I found too much to do...crazy days....

So here is my quick list of what has happened (I know I will leave things out just because it is late and I really should be in bed...):

We have started - and continued - homeschooling our five year old and have been loving that decision :D  If I haven't mentioned it before, we are using Oak Meadow, a Waldorf based school.  It has curriculum and educational tools for K-High School and are really liking

We have not been going to the chiropractor weekly and I am feeling it :(  I hope to be able to get back to it in a few months, though ;)


I went to the Florida La Leche League Conference last weekend...well, just Friday and Saturday, and for just a day and a half instead of three days.  I was there with Sandy Jamieson and Sandy Hill, my ladies full of lactation wisdom.

And I killed three chickens (not our own!) at a friend's "Meat Harvest"...got the war-wounds to prove it!  It was something that I have been thinking about for a while and am in a place in my psyche/life that I can/could/did do it.  One more small step away from the grid....and I will be there again for more "Harvesting" next Sunday!

Plan for the Future...

It would be great to have one of those!  And time to do so :)  I did recently have 24 hours to myself, away from everyone, got to do things by myself...it was weird and wonderful at the same time.  It was a gift from my husband - he watched the girls, they did fine - and I got to catch up on a bit of reading and TV watching (we don't have live TV in the house, so I watched it in the hotel room...still nothing on!  So glad we don't have cable or dish or whatever :). 

I did get to start planning for the immediate future of homeschooling my 4 1/2 year old which is starting in August.  I have the first day of school planned: we are going to the beach!  Hopefully all day or at least most of it.  After that...well... I have curriculum from Oak Meadow that I will be working from.  And this first year (kindergarten) is really practice anyway.  If I can homeschool this year, I can homeschool all the years!  Of course, now that I think about it, that will be (in total with both girls) 17 years at least!!  wow.... but let's just try the first year and not think of the rest....

And in my immediate future (this month), enjoy Mother's Day, shop for shelves, purge, reduce, and clean my house...without a working vacuum.....and get backyard chickens...I wonder how much grass two chickens can eat?  (my lawnmower is not working...)

And here we are...

Daciana, my second child, will be one year old this Thursday.  I could continue with a cliche, like "time flies," but I already did that.  I have tried to be in the moment with her as much as I could, trying to balance my attention with everyone else in the house.  It is very hard.  

I have talked to other Mamas about maternal guilt and they have all encouraged me to know I am doing the best I can and to not let guilt have any of my precious time.  This is also a hard thing.

Advice has been given to "Make time for yourself."  This is possibly the hardest thing to even think of.

I know that Motherhood is a very difficult position for a woman to be in.  I chose this.  I wanted this.  I got it, I am in it.  I love my girls, and at times, they are very....challenging.  Life is constantly testing me.  Right now, I feel like I am failing.  I have a wonderfully crafted sickness that involves much mucus and constantly hacking up a lung, which lowers my energy to zero.  Mothers don't get sick days - we don't have the time!  I am already behind on everything, why do I have to get sick now?  *cough*cough*wheeeeze*

I know.  I can hear you yelling, "This is just a test!  You can pass it!"  And then along comes an email from a dear friend (here is an excerpt):

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"We really need moms just like you, the ones who have had such diverse challenges and experiences, and are setting such a good examples for other moms to follow. It gives them hope and faith that breastfeeding and committed mothering really do work and payoff with great rewards.

"It’s my pleasure and privilege to be with you and the girls ~ they are such precious angels and YOU are such a wonderful role model of good mothering. I have used you and [Daciana] as good examples of kangaroo mothering many times.  The time I spent with you at the LLL [La Leche League] conference seemed miraculous ~ I’ve never been around a baby for that long w/out hearing them cry ~ multiple times.  {I wish I’d known about it when I was a young mom.}

"I think you’re probably really wise to realize that the meeting environment can be a challenge for Anastasia ~ I wish more moms were as tuned in to their children’s needs as you are!!!  This world would be a much better place."

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I took the girls to the last La Leche League meeting which was at night and kind of last minute, so no time to prepare Anastasia in my expectations of her, and since we are no longer a breastfeeding pair (it's all for Daciana now), she didn't have anything to do or look forward to.  It got a little crazy.  There were lots of little babies and she wanted to play with them all like she does her one year old sister.  So we left the meeting early after I warned her many times to chill out.  Future LLL meetings will also become another Daddy-Daughter night.

God only gives you what He knows you can handle.  I know this to be true because I am still alive.  My life - and all its "adventures" - has made me stronger, and I don't think I am done yet.  At least I hope not.

"Trees are nice..."

For many reasons, my husband and I decided to homeschool. Our oldest is 4 so now we are investigating all our options. I am part of a Mom's Book Club which used to be a playgroup and is becoming a homeschooling group. We had a Nature Project at one mom's house last month and I volunteered to do the next one here at my house. I really love to teach those who want to learn. Especially things I am interested in :)

This month, the topic is "Trees." Broad subject, I know, but I am trying to keep it simple. 'Tis the season so we will be making Christmas trees out of construction paper and decorating them in addition to other activities. I am posting a few videos here so I don't have to look for them later :)







There. That should do it....

ZOOM...........!

Another stretch of time - gone. Girls a bit older, and so am I. My husband is starting his new job today: telecommuting! Thus begins the home office adventure! He woke up this morning, took his shower, came out of the bedroom, said, "I'm late for work!", then walked into the next bedroom (temporary home office until we get the cottage fixed up), sat down at the computer, and said, "Okay, I am at work!"

Gone is the hour long commute to Orlando. Hello new possibilities and flexibility!

My Crazy Mom...

Insanity runs in my family. Not the kind to have you committed and loaded with all the drugs known to modern science, thankfully. But the kind of craziness that people tell stories about later. You know, like Weird Al or Albert Einstein.

Together with two of her sisters and two nieces, they drove up to Virginia early Sunday morning to stay with 'Aunt' Mary (a great friend to the family, no actually relation, but she loves to hang out with us and fits right in!) and then to proceed - somehow - to the inauguration of Barack Obama in Washington, DC on Tuesday. No, they do not have tickets - no one can get tickets unless they are high ranked government personnel or won a contest or something. They do have commemorative metro passes already. They are hopefully going to dress warm enough - they are planning on wearing three pairs of pants, several shirts or sweaters, heavy jackets, knee high socks, ski gloves and stocking caps. It is supposed to be 31 degrees F with a wind chill of 15 (!) and possible snow flurries... Now my Mom and her sisters grew up on New Jersey for a while and they have experienced snow, but that was many, MANY moons ago and they are pretty much Florida girls now.

Anyway, I think it is kinda neat, kinda scary, kinda crazy... BUT she will take lots of pictures and be super excited. Crazy part is, I would probably have gone with her if I wasn't pregnant ;o)

Second Chance

Nearly 15 years ago, I vowed never to return to any McDonald's ever again. I have held firm...until now...

My husband - who eats out near his workplace nearly everyday - has said that not all McDonald's are that bad, that a few of them are actually sorta pleasurable to dine at and the food isn't that bad. I have been in one establishment in Orlando, FL near Disney and it was pretty cool inside...but the level of service really has not changed....and the movie "Supersize Me" didn't help their case either.

But as for the one I went to tonight, I do have to say it was better than my last experience 20 years ago...but not by much. Yes, it was cleaner inside, and the workers and the service were a tad faster and the food had a slightly higher quality to it, but it is still McDonald's. I had one of the burger meals, soda, fries, and a fruit and walnut snack salad thing. The burger was acceptable, the fries were skinny but not as greasy (as I remember), the soda...well, was soda... and as for the fruit and walnut salad snack thing, it was a vac-u-sucked container with apple slices, candied walnuts and a yogurt dipping sauce that tasted like a melted vanilla milkshake (it had 25g of sugar!!).

I don't know if I will ever set foot in one again, but we had a few laughs, ate a few potatoes worth of fries, and sucked down our quota of high fructose corn syrup for the next few years. Now my feet feel like they are swelling so I am going to take my pregnant self to bed.

Bang!

Okay, here we go...
Who the heck am I? I am someone who is just like you in some ways, but strive to stay uniquely me.
What do I do? LOTS. I am a wife, a mother, a pregnant woman, an advocate, a traveler...none of which actually pays money but is still very rich in rewards.
Why start this blog? Probably because I am partially insane in my membrane.
Where do I live? Born and raised in Florida (not my choice). Still live in Florida (still not of my choosing), but I have traveled to many places. Even had a passport with stamps in it!